Yesterday was more than I thought I could take. I’ve been filled with more than I’ll likely ever be able to work out, and it was so
good. My newfound dear friend took me through her home town, retelling parts of her life. Floods of emotion swept over me, I was silent. To go so quickly through someone’s life, someone you care about and want to know everything about is tough. I don't want to forget a thing.

Then, last night four friends went out to a place that has become so meaningful to me I wonder if it should be named. We stood telling stories, gazing at stars, but mostly just listening. We all shared something indescribable, and my heart, already full, felt from then on to be tearing at the seams. It was so wonderful, a day I wish I could hold onto and live in forever, but holding on is something I’m bad about, and I’m trying to work that out. Life goes on.

The problems seems, I’m stuck in and out of a dream, and I isolate myself from everyone when I dream. In my daydreams I see what I want to, and picture my life as I would have it. Sleepwalking makes my friends into figments, like the face you don’t recognize in a dream, but you know who they are because you’re making it all up anyway. Is it as C4 says? Do I define my friends? Do they define me? I want to know them as they truly are.

I see things that aren’t there all the time, in the fantasy that gives shape to what appears formless. That I can’t help, and I’m fine with that. When I draw close however, and see what’s really there, I can’t go on acting like what I saw was still there. Wake up, I’m going to live in the real world, learn real love, real sacrifice, real friendship, and leave the phantasms behind. I need you God, the dream world seems so safe, and I’m already hesitating. Don’t let me fade away again.