The mask comes off . . .

“For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow”
-Ecclesiastes 1:18
“I am still seeking but have not found. I have found one man among a thousand, but I have not found a woman among all these”
-Ecclesiastes 7:28

In situations that face you with your powerlessness, there is this momentous decision you can make, and in your own life, it’s the most powerful thing you could ever do. An example in my life was brought to mind last night. In times past I’ve written about the way I open myself very quickly to people with whom I feel a connection, and how this can leave me open to a good deal of hurt. I’ve said that I’d do it again, without reservation. Last night was different.

I believed, for a while, that I wouldn’t ever want to repeat this. This pain was different than any I’d known, save maybe a heartfelt confession to God of my life’s sins. When crying out to God, I asked forgiveness, knowing the thing to do was to turn from sin. This time I really don’t know what the right thing is.

There is something powerful here though, and I have a very important opportunity. I have no control over a lot of things, but I can decide whether to become calloused or not. The situations in life are often out of our control, but our reactions are not. If I find myself in the same situation again, I can choose to open myself completely or put up my guard, I’m not calloused yet. Nobody has ever told me what’s right, so this choice is far from easy.

Do I want to know why? Is the grief worth the wisdom? Can my heart so soon let go? What’s worse, if it can, should it?

And maybe the answers are all personal. Maybe there is not a soul in the world that could tell me what love is. Maybe the next step is only to be taken by myself and God. Maybe I haven’t asked the right people.

. . . And I put it on again. Isn't it a beautiful day today?