Here I am, confused as hell
And I'm tired too, and it's just as well
Sleep keeps me from thinking, of anything at all
Running full speed to dead ends, my head bashing life's wall
Sometimes I don't know just what I'm to do
I suppose that you might . . . well good for you
At least I'm striving, and I really am trying . . .
No wait, I'm just lying, I selfishly choose
Between you and me, and sometimes you lose
More than often you do, so I suppose I do too
These weak hands are mine, but I know I'll keep gripping
And finding I'm slipping, letting my life unwind
I'm fighting for wrong causes, just waiting for long pauses
Where I can stay silent and silently judge you
Superior to you, way ahead and above you
Holier than thou, I don't even know how
To speak words that are kind when I open my mind
Thinking thoughts that would shame you
But not me, the content fool
I'll just walk on by, twinkle stuck in my eye
Whistle some lame-ass song, don't even care right or wrong
'Cause I'm captain of soul, pretty good on the whole
Think you're better than me? I know better than you
I've got myself to tell me of what's good and true
So why can't I smile when nobody's there?
Is my heart now dead, or just hidden somewhere?
Why am I lonely in this big city's middle?
Why should my God be left to play second fiddle?
Could I be all that bad?
Am I quite this depraved?
Did it take Jesus' death just for me to be saved?
Would He take me back? Can I be worth His while
When I'm on the wrong track, and faking my next smile?
Dear God, hold me close, when I'm stubborn morose
And pry stubborn fingers, I long to be free
I'm full sick of myself, Please take me from me


By the way, I'm fine right now, I'm really not that depressed. I am a little tired, and a little confused. And I'm always upset at my own selfish tendencies. This is me from time to time I suppose, but right now I'm blessed beyond measure. Don't ask why I didn't write happier, your guess is as good as mine.