Written last night around midnight

I don’t seem to learn very quickly. I found myself in a funky mood tonight, and there’s several reasons for that. I’m sleep deprived, and this is a major factor. I shouldn’t trust any of my emotions when I’m running on about 4 hours or less per night. I misinterpret my own actions, my own feelings, other people’s words, I should barely be allowed to speak in such a condition.

This brings up a very important point: I’ve found the most wonderful woman in all the world. No one besides God has been so patient with me, ever. She called me tonight and though her day had stress as well, she comforted and re-assured me, said she’d pray for me. I want to be there emotionally for her, very much, but tonight through little things she was there for me. God I thank you for her.

So, the reason I’ve been a bit off tonight really was that in the last couple days I’ve been planning out my whole life. I’ve been trying to fit everything all nicely into a bulleted list, and develop action items to become the captain of my soul.

It’s ironic that one of the most important things I want for today and the future is a better relationship with God. So I’m sitting there trying to figure out how I’m going to accomplish everything, when one of the things I want to accomplish is to surrender to Him.

I couldn’t sleep tonight, so I talked to Him for a while and admitted again how slow I am at grasping such a simple concept. It’s unreal how awesome He is, and it’s so good to know He’s the same, even when I waffle back and forth with the prevailing wind.

I guess I can sleep now.