Last night was facinating. After work, I worked out despite my desire not to, which was good, and to my great pleasure I’m slowly increasing the distance I run and the weight I lift. It always seems to me that the first couple weeks getting back into exercise are the most rewarding. I always seem to have deteriorated substantially, and start out not being able to lift much of anything, and with very little endurance. Within a week or two, I can notice significant improvement, and I think it’s just that I’m getting back to where I used to be more quickly than I can build upon it. At least it’s a built in encouragement during the first few weeks when it’s not yet a habit. Then by the time it’s routine, it doesn’t matter as much that you don’t add weight or laps very often.

When I got done with that I headed to Guitar Center and picked up some potentiometers, which are variable resistors basically. They’re essentially a volume control knob, though they can be used to control other things, like tone. Anyway, I got home and rummaged through my car to find all the electronics equipment I had used in my course this summer. I found my Leatherman, which made me very happy by the way. So I plugged my guitar in before I started, just to see if it was working, or at least making noise. When my mother took it to the store that morning, they said it made noise, the tone knobs just needed replacing.

Anyway, it made not a sound, so I loosened the strings up and took the whole thing apart. I made a mess de-soldering the volume potentiometer, thinking that would surely be part of the problem, thinking that perhaps the connection was bad, but had been working temporarily while at the store. I carefully trimmed the ends of the wires and peeled back the insulation to make sure the connection would have clean wire touching, I used flux, and I was meticulous. I put it back together again, tightened up the strings, and plugged it in. Nothing. So I throw it back in its case, grab the amp, cord, and tuner, and threw it all in my car. The Guitar Center would be open for another 17 minutes, and it takes about 8 minutes to get there. So I tear into the store, check my stuff in, and tell them my problem. I wanted to test my guitar once more to see if maybe my amp was bad, or who knows, I just wanted them to look at it and come up with a magic answer. I was tired of looking at an expensive decoration, I wanted my guitar’s soul back.

So I ran up to the cheapest amp I could find, afraid that my soldering job, as careful as I was, might somehow blow the amp. I’m a Computer Science Engineering major, I know about electricity. I’ve taken as many classes on circuits and electronics as most Electrical Engineers have in their junior year. The guitar is a passive device, essentially, and there’s NOTHING I could have done to hurt their amps. I could have heated up myself a warm bowl of solder and poured it all over the internal parts of my guitar with a silly grin on my face, plugged it into their most sensitive amp, and it would have made no sound, and probably have no effect on the amp.. So I found the cheapest looking amp afraid that my soldering job might somehow blow the amp. I swear I’m retarded.

I plugged it in, and no sound came out, so I went over to the chick at the parts counter with a despondent countenance, and asked if they did maintenance. She said no, but that a previous employee now did repairs, and she would give me his business card. She asked what needed fixing, and I told her I had no idea, gave her the story of what I had done and the results. I asked what she thought could possibly be wrong, and she asked if I had tried any other cords. I didn’t have any other cords, so she said we might as well test it once more before I went through the effort of getting a repairman. With a new cord, it sounded fine. I had just bought that cord. It had never occurred to me that a newly purchased piece of wire might not conduct electricity. I had wasted an evening, yet I was overjoyed to shell out another $10 for a new cord which she tested for me before I bought it. I couldn’t have been happier. My guitar is back, and I kissed it goodnight as I tucked it in last night, into its padded case.

This morning I was very pleased to find a present I left for myself. Occasionally when I wear a dress shirt for only a few hours, I just hang it up rather than going through the trouble of washing it. Apparently I haven’t worn this black shirt for a while, and that’s where I had left my $2 Old Navy sunglasses, the ones I’m so proud of. That started the morning off just right.

When I stepped outside, I was shocked, so much so that I had to run back in and tell someone! It was cold! It was so cold I wouldn’t have worn a short sleeved shirt even if I could have, and that’s cold! It was beautiful, all dark and quiet, and I felt wonderful. The morning reached its highest point while I was driving along 75. The sunrise this morning was just about the most beautiful I’ve ever seen. It seemed all the more lovely realizing that everyone else was probably staring at the bumper in front of them, pissed that they were in traffic. I thanked God for showing off this morning, and I really think He was, it was gorgeous.

You know what makes me happy? Bananas. They taste great, they’re breakfast food, and let me tell you I love breakfast food, but they also go great with a million desserts. They’re so cheap that sometimes I’m not sure if the grocery store is charging me for the bananas or the little plastic sacks I put them in. Like a lot of fruit, they’re perfectly packaged, won’t make a mess before you open them, and they just look cool! I’m hyper because I bought a Starbucks coffee on the way to work, and seriously, have you not been reading what I’ve been saying? This day has been
awesome, and I haven’t even gotten to the part where I meet up with the most beautiful woman alive!

Here’s a sample of my current assignment at work. Somebody who came before me wrote a document describing what I’m now needing to describe, so I’m supposed to update the document to reflect the changes that have taken place in the last year. This is a small portion: “Although there are limited numbers of growth rate value have to enter the system by the regional planner, the operational group should be the person to enter these data.” Now I understand that we don’t all have to be English majors, but help me out here! I’m like a lonely guy getting frustrated trying to pick up chicks in a bar, I don’t know what’s single and what’s not! I’m also left curious as to who the subject is, and what exactly is going on. Also giving me cause to pause and wonder is this sentence: “There are some other user may provide the growth factor has not be fully identified yet.” If you think there was context to help interpret that one, you’re wrong.

Here’s another interesting bit: “The system and system administrator must get the database ready and monitor the database integrity.” Now this one is grammatically correct. This is also apparently an effort on behalf of the previous author to anthropomorphize a computer system to add life to an otherwise dry technical work. Apparently when the
database needs to be made ready, both the system administrator and the system itself must roll up their sleeves and put their heads together, working in unison to achieve their mutual goals. I wonder if the system gets paid for its hard work. So I guess I got my wish, I’m being paid to write, sort of. I wonder if they’d appreciate my desire to be the literary critic of the IT department.

- Adapted from a letter to the most beautiful woman alive. Loosley based on actual events. No animals were harmed during production except for the turkey consumed by the author while writing.